


At least he had Thor

by Pendule



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Bruce Banner Needs a Hug, Bruce really can't sleep, Declarations Of Love, I'm Sorry, M/M, Panic Attacks, thorbruce
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-17
Updated: 2018-08-17
Packaged: 2019-06-28 21:55:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15715833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pendule/pseuds/Pendule
Summary: After the events of Infinity War, Bruce and Thor are both shattered, but between the destructive thoughts and the painful memories, what's left?





	At least he had Thor

**Author's Note:**

> So here is some ThorBruce because I love this couple so much, and a lot of angst because the events in the fic happens after the events of Infinity War.
> 
> English is not my Native language so I apologize if there is any mistake in it.
> 
> Also, it's an useless information but I've wrote this fic while listening to Ben Howard's live sessions so maybe you want to read it while listening to it,
> 
> See you at the end!

 

_I want to talk to you, but I don’t know how._

That’s the main thing he thought when he looked at Thor.

He wanted to scream so that he could get his attention,

So the other man could be focused on him.

_« Fuck, look at me Thor »_

He raised his head.

_No._

He didn’t say that at loud voice, did he?

But Thor was looking at him.

_**« Banner…? »** _

_Fuck_ , he thought.

_« I’m sorry, that wasn’t what I- I didn’t mean to say that aloud, I was- forget it »_

He was already getting up, he really didn’t wanted to hear Thor’s questions or to met again those eyes that seemed now empty.

But he did not go far, a hand had collared his arm.

_**«Banner please sit, I’m sorry I wasn’t listening to you»** _

_« I wasn’t talking »_ he said, without even realizing his mistake.

Thor frowned.

_**« So… Why did you say that? »** _

Bruce sighed, seating again next to the other man, without catching his eyes.

He took off his glasses with his left hand, rubbing his face with his right one.

_« That’s nothing Thor, I’m sorry I was just lost in thought, and worried, I’m worried  »_

Why would he took the trouble to lie, anyway?

_**« I’m sorry Banner, I didn’t meant to be rude or anything, I’m just worried too »** _

_Rude? He hadn’t been rude?_ Bruce thought.

_« What do you mean “rude”? You didn’t do anything? »_

_**« Well, I’ve might grabbed your arm roughly, and I forced you to tell me something you didn’t seem to want to »** _

Bruce frowned.

The discussion seemed to spin out of control, both apologizing profusely for no reason.

_« We’re both tired and this discussion lead to nothing, supposing that it was a discussion, on top of that. Anyway. I think we should go to our rooms and get some rest, right? I know you can’t sleep, I can’t either but… It’s still better to be in bed than standing straight here while the mosquitoes are eating us alive. »_

He tried to be funny, as much as he could, because this was the only thing to do, but like the rest, it was a failure.

_**« I will not let the mosquitoes eat you out, Banner »** _

It was cute, he thought.

It was better than when they first met, but Thor still was talking in a childish way sometimes.

It may be was what he liked with him.

Still, the mosquitoes weren’t a real matter.

_« I don’t think I would let that happen, though »_

Thor didn’t respond.

Maybe he wasn’t even listening anymore.

His mind was somewhere else.

It was always somewhere else.

Bruce couldn’t blame him, he had lost so many people, even his brother, how could he just be there with Bruce Banner, who was just a scientist far out from the god.

_**« I don’t want you to go »** _

_«What? I have to sleep Thor, you too, you look like a walking cadaver, If I may say. »_

_**« I don’t want you to disappear like the others »** _

Suddenly, Bruce had forgot how to use his tongue.

It wasn’t just empty words.

Thor really was talking to him.

_**« I don’t want you to leave me there all alone.** _

_**Banner, you’re all I have now. »** _

The air was sultry all around him, he couldn’t breath.

In fact, he had forget how to.

And the pupils he had meant to avoid all night long were now meeting his gaze and all he could see was despair and… truth.

A soft smile formed on his lips.

Trying to look as comforting and soft as he could.

_« I’m not going anywhere, Thor, not without you, all right? »_

The other seemed to soothe when he heard the words, and when he saw that, Bruce soothed too.

Because that was always how it worked.

If Thor’s angry, then Bruce is, so hulk appears,

If Thor’s sad, Bruce can’t hold back his own pain and feels his heart sink in his chest.

So if Thor is pacify, then he is too.

Thor rub off on him,

Or maybe it’s the opposite.

Anyway.

Slowly, he putted his hand along the arm of his friend, gently taking Thor’s right hand in his,

_« Let’s sleep, ok? »_

Thor didn’t seemed convinced, he was pretty sure than his friend was able to hear the cogs working in his head while he was searching a way to finally get back into the building.

_« Or… the mosquitoes really are going to do me in…? »_

And that seemed to work.

And that seemed to work.

It was so ridiculous that he could almost laugh if he had the strength to.

But right now he was just so tired that he just wanted to go to bed, no matter what was happening around.

They passed in the corridor alongside all the many rooms.

Each of them had their lights on, no doubt that there weren’t a lot of people that could actually sleep.

In the world in general, though.

Still, they walked along the walls, both quiet.

It was maybe egoist on behalf of them but they wanted to stay just together, without seeing anyone else.

Well, they hadn’t discuss about that but it seemed to be a tacit agreement.

After a few minutes, they finally found Bruce’s room, not without difficulty.

He had to admit that all doors looked alike and he really doesn’t wanted to bump into someone at this time of the night.

His door was painted in a light purple, Thor’s one in azure.

He opened it carefully, Thor still on his heels.

He gave Thor a look,

_**« You said you weren’t going anywhere without me, and I don’t want to be alone in my room… »** _

Once again, Thor was acting in a childlike way, but he couldn’t be annoyed with it, in fact, he doesn’t wanted to be alone too.

No, he would rather be alone than with someone, except if that was Thor, he wanted to be with Thor,

He sighed.

He entered, holding the door to Thor, -as a quiet response- to finally close and lock it behind him,

It wasn’t really necessary but he had kept the reflex from when he was still on the run.

The room was aseptic as possible, it was almost ridiculous how empty it seemed, he missed his room at the Stark facility, and the one at Sakaar.

It was strange to remember things from the Hulk, it was new for him.

It was new to consider him as a real being and not just a Monster, they had a bad start but that was improving.

And it was half thanks to Thor.

What had happened in Sakaar and Asgard had changed so many things, he was almost happy to think about it, but Thanos had ruined all the memories of it.

He hated him so much.

While he was focused on his thought, they had both walked in direction of the bed,

It wasn’t that wide but it would be enough for them.

Thor sat first, leaning on the wall.

Bruce went to close the shutter, what if he slept? He wouldn’t want to be wake by the sun in the morning, but Thor stopped him.

_**«Banner, may we let the shutters open? I really want to stare at the stars »** _

He really needed to sleep,

_« Sure »_

He retraced his steps, seating at the side of Thor, not too close, not too far.

_**« They look extinguished from here** _

_**In Asgard it’s just so bright that you really can’t sleep with the shutters open »** _

_Oh, he is talking of the stars._

_« Well, it’s quite a good sky that we have here, there’s almost no light pollution in Wakanda, Thor »_

_**« I wish I still could show you the stars… »** _

He really couldn’t stand to hear that voice, the way every words sounded harder to say.

_« I’ve seen it, it was beautiful, and way enough for me »_

Thor didn’t look convinced but he nodded all the same.

They stopped talking and that’s the moment the sandman choose to appear in front of Bruce.

He slowly sank into sleep, into the limbos.

All was black, and suddenly, all was bright.

All was fast and he saw in a row Thanos enchaining and gagging Thor, snapping Loki’s neck, and stabbing Heimdall.

It wasn’t in the right order.

_**« Banner? Banner?? »** _

He felt a hand shaking vigorously his shoulder, another one holding the back of his head.

He opened his eyes, dumbstruck, to see that he was now alone on the bed, Thor was above him, totally worried.

_« Thor, i’m all right, I’m here, please stop shaking me like a snow globe »_

_**« Oh, sorry »** _

The hand stopped the movement but stayed in place firmly.

_**« What happened, Banner? »** _

_« What do you mean by “what happened”? »_

_**« Right now. you were slowly falling asleep and then you grabbed my t-shirt and breathed with difficulty  »** _

Now that Thor was telling him that, it was true that he was breathless.

_« Oh, okey, right, sleep apnoea, that’s been a while »_

_**« What is it? »** _

He frowned, « you really don’t…? »

Well, why would he know.

_« As the name suggests,_

_It’s when you suddenly stop breathing while you’re sleeping, which can be kind of dangerous because – He paused, remembering that he wasn’t obliged to use difficult terms – well, because if you don’t breath you die. »_

Thor snorted.

_« And hum in my case it can eventually led to Hulk’s appearance, and it’s not really what I want »_

_**« Why does it happened? »** _

_« What? »_

_**« The apnoea, why does it happened tonight, and is this dangerous for you? »** _

Bruce smiled softly, realising that it was an almost normal phenomenon for him but that it was totally unknown for Thor, and what he had just said wasn’t improving the thing.

_«In fact that is not something that dangerous, because at some point or another_ _your body react and force you to breath, this is why most of the time you wake up during the process, this is not something fatal,_ _and before you ask, no, that had never brought Hulk._ _»_

Thor snorted again, unconvinced as ever.

_**« And why tonight? »** _

_« I…I think that’s because I was doing a nightmare, it made me panic, but that’s okey, I’m good »_

_**« What kind of nightmare? »** _

_« The ones that are too real »_

He really didn’t wanted to say that he was reliving his brother’s and people’s death each time he was closing his eyes to Thor, and thankfully his response seemed to suit to Thor.

With that, he realised how close of Thor’s head he was, how close of Thor’s lips he was, and he started to blush.

Trying to hide It, he straightened himself up, finally setting the hand under his neck free.

He breathed deeply, realising that he really needed oxygen.

This made Thor step aside,

He avoided his friend's gaze and the latter approached the window to watch the stars again, the silence now engulfing the room.

They stayed like that something like 15 minutes.

Bruce getting his breath back and chasing the morbid flash from his mind,

Thor straight up looking into the stars as if he could see every detail in it, and as if he was searching one in particular.

_«I don’t want to sleep anymore…»_

_**« Really? »** _

Thor had turned rapidly, raising his eyebrows, his face lighting up in a childlike way.

It made Bruce laugh a little, because the god really looked like a child to who we had finally accepted what he asked for hours

 _« Come here »_ Responded Bruce, patting the place next to him gently.

Thor did not needed to be asked twice because he almost jumped next to Bruce who was making some room for him.

He seated directly next to Bruce, their knees touching, and they were so close that Bruce’s cheek was almost on Thor’s left shoulder.

He tried to hold himself back but decided to finally let himself go and leaned on his friend, shoulder against shoulder.

This didn’t seem to bother the latter who almost seemed happy of this,

Or maybe it was just the Scientist’s imagination.

He dared to glance over the shoulder, catching the other’s man look on him and the small smile on his face.

It made Bruce smile and blush in a stupid way that he cursed himself mentally.

_« Bruce »_

_**« What? »** _

_« You can call me Bruce, you know that? Not that I don’t like when you call me Banner, no, that’s my last name after all, but i’m calling you Thor, not Odinson »_

He was scared that he had made a mistake by mentioning his friend last name, not sure he would be glad to hear his father’s name right now, but instead, his friend nodded sightly.

_**« Right, I’m sorry Ba- Bruce, Bruce, it’s just that we didn’t really had a time to push the introductions to this point, so I didn’t wanted to be disrespectful with you  »** _

_« That’s nice of you, even if that’s not what would make me mad »_

_**« That’s actually a good name, Bruce, and that’s funny your first & last name begin by the same letter, B-B! » **_He almost shouted.

He imagined Thor calling him B-B every time and it made him ridiculously blushing because it was so close of a pet name, he wonderer why this was making his stomach clench in that way.

At his side, Thor seemed to hum some song containing the letter B, or maybe it was a made-up song, he couldn’t recognize it.

He closed his eyes again, chasing the remainder flash-backs that were still crossing his mind.

He decided that this wouldn’t be too awkward to get closer to Thor, even if it was, he needed to, so he rested his head on the shoulder of his friend.

Well, he was kind of on all the left side of his friend, but it didn’t seemed to bother this one so he stayed like that.

Finally, that’s Thor who deepen the touch by wrapping his left arm around the shoulder of Bruce because he was probably becoming too numb.

He accepted the touch and rested his head on the chest of the man, on his collar bone.

_« That’s not too uncomfortable, I mean, the way I’m placed? »_

He felt his friend smile against the back of his head,

_**« I am kind of eating you hair but that’s ok, I’ve ate worse »** _

_« Shit, sorry »_

_**« Language »** _

Bruce moved his head sightly but, with the hand that was already on his shoulders, Thor stopped him, the hand resting on the side of his cheek, the thumb on his neck.

_**« Don’t, I said that was ok, I like it »** _

He felt himself blushing and felt glad that Thor couldn’t totally see that, why was he blushing anyway?

Finally, Thor moved his hand, lingering on the nape of his neck, his thumb stroking slowly the place,

Which made him shivering, he hoped that Thor didn’t felt that.

The hand reached his shoulder again.

His head tipped over against his will, but it didn’t seem to bother his friend.

He couldn’t close his eyes, he was still seeing dead bodies, ashes and blood.

He would rather watch the ceiling ‘till the end of his life.

 _Which is soon,_ He thought.

But for once, he doesn’t wanted to die.

He doesn’t wanted to go.

He was actually fine here,

He had all that he had next to him,

He had Thor.

_You’re fine here? You. Are. Fine. Here? People are dead, Bruce._

_So many._

_You could’ve died, Thor too._

He blinked.

What the-

He was now realising, he remembered,

People had died, friends of him, Tony was declared missing and there were only half of the world left.

And why was he still here?

Why he didn’t had seen himself die, falling in ashes.

He was still here.

But this time, he could had died without even fighting.

Because the snap had been unpredictable.

This wasn’t just as if one of the monsters in Wakanda had killed him during the fight,

This wasn’t as if a man had shot him in the head.

No, this would have been just by a simple snap of the fingers.

And Hulk couldn’t had did anything about it.

Or maybe it was because of him that he was still here.

He was shaking.

He felt things on his cheeks, tried to chase it, and observed that this was tears.

He was crying.

He couldn’t hold his tears, as If he had never cried during his life,

Even if he wanted to, he wouldn’t had been able to.

He really felt exhausted.

_**« Bruce…? »** _

He really wanted to tell him what he was thinking of,

The fact that he almost passed out,

They all almost disappeared.

But does he really could tell him?

Thor already knew that, and he really doesn’t wanted to hurt him more than he already had been.

No.

_« It’s just… I-I’m starting to realise what really ha-happened, the after-effects I-I guess »_

He had a raspy voice, so low, so close to break, he felt miserable.

He closed his eyes, maybe he could drown himself in his own tears and so stop to feel and see those horrible things.

But he had to open it again.

Because Thor was moving.

Was he upset because of his reactions?

He tried to grab desperately Thor by whatever he could, but a hand around his waist pacified him a little.

His gaze met Thor’s now wall eyes.

This one gently took off all the sweaty locks of hair that were stick on Bruce’s forehead,

After that, he put his hand on his cheeks and with his thumb, wiped off the tears stuck on the corner of his eyes,

Then, he pressed his forehead against Bruce’s, his eyes stuck in his.

And then he just stayed like that, looking him in the eyes, as if he was probing Bruce’s soul.

He was grateful because he didn’t say a word,

He wouldn’t have known what to respond.

And the feeling of Thor’s arms holding him tightly made him feel safer than ever.

He couldn’t cry because it would had made Thor’s face blurry, and he really wanted to see him, as clear as he could.

_**« This is going to be hard »** _

He didn’t respond anything, he had no reasons to.

_**« Really hard, but in the end, it is going to be okey, my friend »** _

Suddenly the “friend” word made his stomach hurt.

_« Yeah? »_

He didn’t believe a simple word of his “friend”, but there were still hope in his tone.

_**« I promise, Bruce »** _

And he believed him, because how could it be worse?

He already had loose everything

He couldn’t loose something else.

Well, he still had Thor, but if Thor died, he would died too.

And he was pretty sure that this time Hulk would let this happen,

They both loved the Asgardian enough not to let him go.

 _Oh, so that’s it,_ he thought.

_I’m in love with Thor._

And when he had his eyes fixed on such a sweet face, he easily understand why.

_**« Bruce »** _

His voice was firm, he envied him.

He became aware that the other man was awaiting a reaction from him.

_« Yes? »_

_**« I love you »** _

Yeah, at least he had Thor.

**Author's Note:**

> I really hope you liked it!
> 
> Please leave kudos and comments, it would be lovely!
> 
> This one was harder to wrote than my other fics because It's been a long time since I wrote angsty stuff, I hope it was worth it!


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